TF2 3

TF2 3

TF2 3 is a video uploaded by Super Minecraft Kid in 2015, and the third installment in his Team Fortress 2 series. Like the first TF2 video, he plays Capture the Flag with other players, and his inability to play the game makes him upset. By the end of the video, he loses control of the game after being tricked into typing an Unbindall command.

Transcript

[The video opens up with Michael greeting his audience with the cadence of a generic gaming YouTuber.]

SMK: Hey, guys! It's Super Minecraft Kid here, and today, we're gonna be playing some more fucking Team Fortress 2! What-

[He picks the Blue team and the Scout class.]

SMK: A- I hate this game so much, but you were all like "Let's play! Let's play!" So you know what?! Just for you fans, who are the best fans ever made of all time, I'm going to- Fuck!

[He dies.]

SMK: FUUUUUUCK! HOW- Fuck you, dude! Seriously! Ugh... Just for you s- for your guys, I'm gonna- Fuck!

[As Michael rushes back into battle, he falls off the bridge in the middle of the arena. Luckily, he does not take a lot of fall damage.]

SMK: Shit! God. Just for you guys, I'm gonna be recording... Team Fortress 2.

[He runs through a sewage opening and finds a place at high altitude.]

SMK: Guys, don't fuckin' kill me because I'm gonna be fuckin' recording, okay?

[Someone in chat says "Kill him."]

[For a second, Michael forgets which team he is on. He tells an enemy Pyro to move out of the way, then notices the red thread of a Medic Gun flowing over his shoulder.]

SMK: Go faster! Oh wait- FUCK!

[He dies.]

SMK: I thought you were- I thought you- that guy was. I thought I was on Red, and I was stealing the Blue's stuff. Shit.

[Michael leaps off a building to shoot at an enemy engulfed in flames, then jumps back into the sewer opening beneath the bridge.]

SMK: Kill him! Okay. Now I'm not gonna make that fucking mistake again. It's their fau-

[A Red Medic chases Michael into the underground passageway, but he manages to flee.]

SMK: Oh fuck! Gonna get the Red thing.

[As he runs through the battlefield, people start spamming his DMs on Steam.]

SMK: People fuckin' keep Steep- keep fuckin' Steam fuckin' messaging me. Fuck. Gotta mute 'em.

[Michael walks through a hallway and starts getting shot at.]

SMK: What the FUCK is that!?

[He dies.]

SMK: FUUUCK! SERIOUSLY! What the fuck is that red thing!?

[The "red thing" he refers to is a red cross hovering over someone's head. It is used to denote players who are strictly healers.]

SMK: 0966EJ! That's fucking hacking! I've never seen that fucking thing before!

Guy: You're an idiot.

[A big clash ensues, and Michael joins in.]

SMK: Fuck, fuck! Gonna! Fuckin'! Kill you!

[He dies.]

SMK: AAAAAHHH!! Why can't these guys just let me take the fucking intelligence? Oh, by the way, guys! Oh, fuck! Why are they-

[He dies.]

SMK: FWUUUCK! By the fuckin' way, guys. I am drawing the animation for by- the last Minecraft Animated. It might almost be done, okay?

[An enemy tries shooting Michael.]

SMK: Oh FUCK! Fuck, fuck!

[He dies.]

SMK: FUUUUUCK! WHO keeps fucking Steam messaging me!? (sigh)...

[He dies.]

SMK: GGGGHHHHHH!! Shut up, stupid British Chap Named Charles! He keeps fuckin' Steam messaging me. Shut the fuck up, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you! I'm so fuckin' angry, 'cause my parents are home, like, all the fuckin' time now. And this is the only time I can, like, really be recording! And my fuckin' brother's- My fuckin' brother's... on the computer the whole time!

Players: [unclear overlapping exchanges]

[Someone shoots at Michael.]

SMK: AAAH!

[Another player in chat says "Super Minecraft Kid is a f@g B^)"]

SMK: I'M NOT A F****T! YOU'RE A FUCKING F****T! And YOU fucking sent whatever the fuck that is! You'd better rid of- fuckin' rid of it right now, 'cause they're just taking the fucking intelligence!

Guy: At least he sounds dedicated.

SMK: Als- Also. To ALL you fuckin' haters, who think I'm 9-YEARS FUCKING O-

[He dies.]

SMK: AAAAAAAHHH!! RRRAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

[Something falls.]

SMK: To all you fuckin' haters who think they're fuckin'... I'm fuckin 5-years-old. I'm not five! Okay?! I'm fucking ELEVEN! Some of you don't e- All my fans don't even think I'm eleven; they think I'm like, five! But I'm not five! I'm teeee-eleven! I'm eleven! I'm not ten!

[He dies.]

SMK: FUCK! FUUUCK! My fuckin' dog's fuckin' yelling. Shut the FUCK UP, Rufus! (sigh)... Fuckin' Rufus. Fuckin' ruining my recording!

[Michael sneaks up behind an enemy Demoman and successfully kills him. This victory causes him to inadvertently vent his frustrations about constantly being bombarded with hate.]

SMK: I killed you! YES! I FUCKING KILLED YOU! OH YEEEEEAAAH! HOW DOES IT FEEL NOW TO GET KILLED BY SOMEONE YOU HATE! OOOOH!

Guy: Stop!

Dude: Just let him get it out of his system.

[He dies. Rather than screaming this time, Michael groans and starts to cry.]

SMK: You guys are f****ts for fucking playing fucking BABY-ASS FUCKING GAMES FOR BABY-ASS FA-

[Luck seems to be in Michael's favor as he kills another player.]

SMK: I FUCKING KILLED YOU! FUCK YOOOOU!

[While hiding in a corner, he switches to a blade so he can instakill oncoming enemies.]

[He dies.]

SMK: UUUUGHHHH! Why didn't the melee weapon do a one-hit!?

[Someone in chat says "worst youtuber ever"]

SMK: How do you know that I'm a YouTuber, you fucking stalker?!

Guy: Because [unclear] post videos to the Internet. It's kind of like [unclear].

SMK: I hate 6000 fucking subscribers!

Dude: Worst. YouTuber. Ever.

Guy: Your really have [unclear]?

SMK: I AM NOT THE WORST! I HAVE SIX FUCKING THOUSAND! SUBSCRIBERS! And over six hundred THOUSAND views on YouTube! SO YOU CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK, JUST LIKE YOUR FUCKING MOM DID!

[He dies.]

SMK: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Guy: [unclear] YouTuber-

Dude: You're a YouTuber AND your channel sucks!

SMK: How do you know?! You haven't even seen my channel!

Guy: He's proven to be a troll. [unclear] trolls.

Dude: I have! You have only 3!

[He dies.]

SMK: UUUUGH! ...Now when I'm on- when I'm on this computer, I can't even play for fun. I have to only do it when I'm recording, so then I can make the most of my computer time on my fuckin' brother's computer.

Dude (in another conversation): Hahah! So sorry! Hahah! Ahhh... hahah. I know, hahah.

Guy: You never expect to see a sentry there in 2Fort.

[He dies.]

SMK: UUGH! You guys are fucking camping, that one robot dude! You should just MOVE AROUND ACTUALLY FOR ONCE, INSTEAD OF JUST STANDING BEHIND YOUR FUCKING ROBOT! NOBODY SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THAT!

Guy: Dude, you need to calm down. Take a deep breath. It's okay, it's all gonna be good.

SMK: (sniffles and sighs)...

[He creeps up near the end of a hallway, trying to peek over the edge of a wall. As he does this, someone in chat makes a comment about his mom.]

SMK: My mom isn't even here, Hugh Jass.

[A player finds some info on Super Minecraft Kid.]

Dude: [unclear]. According to this channel, he makes videos when his parents aren't home.

[He dies.]

SMK: GGGGGAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!! [heavy breathing)... I swear! If I didn't get grounded for before, I would fucking punch this fucking keyboard and try to fucking kill you!

[Rufus barks.]

SMK: My fucking brother... (sigh)...

[An ally Medic runs up to Michael. It is Hugh Jass, who made a comment earlier.]

SMK: What the fuck is a Blue guy doing here? Why didn't he get- Why did- Wait. Hugh Jass, you're a Medic, but... Why-

[Hugh is actually a Red Spy disguised as a Blue Medic. He takes off his disguise and shoots Michael. Of course, Michael does not know the Spy's mechanics and assumes Hugh is hacking.]

SMK: WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT THE FUCK! YOU'RE USING FUCKING HACKING! WHAT THE FUCK! THAT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED! FUCK YOU! YOU NEED TO FUCKING DIE!

[He dies, and Hugh starts dancing.]

SMK: AAAAAHHH! ...This is why I hate this-

[He dies in an explosion and silently cries.]

SMK: AAAAAAHHH!!

[Someone in VC starts laughing.]

Dude: [unclear]! Hah!

SMK: Guys, at least subscribe to my YouTube channel if you guys like my bideos [sic], okay?

[He dies.]

Guy: You just said you didn't- You just said you didn't want anybody seeing your channel.

SMK: I NEVER SAID THAT! Just look up Super Minecraft Kid, Jair K-Kitten! You'll see! It's the first thing. It's a creeper face.

[Someone shoots him from behind.]

SMK: OW!

Guy: If I go to your channel, my entire Recommended thing is gonna be filled with Minecraft videos.

[Someone in chat says "LETS PLAY RO BLOX".]

SMK: What the fuck? I- I fucking made that fuckin' Let's Play Roblox video. How did you know?

Dude: Hey, Super Minecraft Kid. Is this your first time playing Team Fortress 2?

SMK: My third time.

Guy: Well, he's doing amazing.

[Michael sees someone at the end of a hallway, then goes the opposite direction to find him on the other side. The other player is not there.]

SMK: What the fuck? Fucking invisible hacks again? So many people have fucking invisible hacks.

[A pie on the ground suddenly vanishes.]

SMK: What the fuck? That pie is gone.

Guy: Y'know, I wanna join the other team just so I can kill him.

SMK: What the fuck?

Dude: Do it, dude, it's amazing.

Guy: Meh.

[As the other players talk, Michael paces back and forth through the hallway to see if his game is dropping frames. It is hard to tell if this is true because the recording keeps flickering.]

SMK: What the fuck? Was that lag...? HUH? Huh.

Guy: Okay. Two people in the room need to leave. I need to experience this.

SMK: All right. Who keeps Steam messaging me? That British Chap Named Charles, he keeps fucking messaging me, but he needs to shut the fuck-

[He dies.]

SMK: AAAAAAAHHHHH!! Were you the fucking one who uses invisibility hacks?! You're not only using invisibility hacks, but you're ALSO. FUCKING. USING. Those hacks that make you look at... (heavy breathing) look like Blue people! BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLY ON RED! WHAT?!

Guy: [unclear], Kitten, and, uhh Dunce. What would you say about a double domination?

Other guy: [unclear] and Kitten. Hardcore [unclear] on when?

[Michael dies.]

SMK: (intense pouting)

[Sick of the other players' shit, he tries to report and ban them from the game.]

SMK: Let's see... Is there a- I think there was a Report button before. Where the fuck? Umm... Down here? I remember someone saying there's a Report thing. How do you report people on- on Team Fortress 2, because there's people doin' fuckin' invisibility hacks on the server.

Guy: I don't think Alt+F4 works with TF2. I don't think Alt+F4 works with TF2.

SMK: What?

Dude: You can't report people.

SMK: Oh. I heard- I heard you could do that.

Guy: If you really want to get a hold of Valve Support, and get like, in front of the line, do you know how to open up the console?

SMK: Uhh, s-sure. I- I think it's some... My, umm-

[He dies.]

SMK: WHAAAAAAA!! ...My, umm, brother plays it a lot, and I'm playing on his computer, and I remember people saying that you have to "enable" it in the- in the, umm-

[He dies.]

SMK: UUUGGHHH!

Guy: Yeah, you have to enable it.

SMK: IN THE FUCKING, umm, options, but I think my brother already did that, so I don't need to do it, so... What button do I press to open it?

Guy: It's the key right under the Escape key.

Dude: It's the one next to 1.

Guy: It's the key right under the Escape key.

Dude: Yep.

SMK: The squiggly line? (~)

Dude: Hey, guys. Have some grapes.

Guy: Yeah, that one's pr- [mic cuts out].

[Michael types a ~ to open the chat.]

SMK: Okay, now what?

Guy: Okay, now type this into console.

[The player gives Michael a command for him to put in chat. It is called Unbindall.]

Dude: If you do it, I think it'd end you.

Guy: Type that into the console. It r- It really- It- Dude.

SMK: Wh-what does it do?

Guy: It gets you to the front of the line of Valve Support. It gets you to the front of the line of Valve Support.

Dude: Don't fucking take it, kid! Don't! He's tricking you!

SMK: I dunno, I dunno. Is- Are you tryna hack me?

Guy: Listen to me. Listen to me. I'm not hacking, this is no hacking. Just do it. It gets you in the front line of Valve Support.

SMK: What happens if you're wrong?

Guy: It's like a s- It's like a- It's like a s- It's like a secret teleporter.

Dude: You might get hacked! You might get hacked!

Guy: It's not a hack!

[He dies.]

SMK: UUUGGGHHAAAAAHH!

Dude: Just stop.

SMK: Then I'm not taking the fuckin' risk!

Guy: It's not a risk. [unclear]

SMK: Unless, Unbindall- Does Unbindall do anything else? Anything else good?

Guy: [unclear]

Dude: It takes a screenshot.

SMK: It what?

Dude: Takes a screenshot. It reports it to Valve.

[He dies.]

SMK: GAAAAHHH!!

Guy: Just, seriously, dude. Trust me. I'm just trying to help.

[As soon as Michael leaves spawn, he is burnt to a crisp by a Pyro. This sets off a fuse in him, and he chooses to put in the player's suspicious code.]

SMK: AAAAAHHH!! FUCKING PEOPLE ARE FUCKING SPAWN CAMPING! I'M GONNA REPORT YOU! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S HACKS! THIS ISN'T EVEN MY COMPTUER ANYWAY! UNBINDALL, HERE WE GO!

[Michael opens the chat and inputs the Unbindall command. Suddenly, his character cannot move or use weapons; all he can do is look around.]

SMK: What the fuck?

[He mashes his keyboard.]

SMK: WHAT THE FUCK?! THEY FUCKING HACKED ME! I FUCKING KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT!

Guy: I think he did it.

SMK: [unclear] dude! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!

[Players gather around Michael's paralyzed character as he starts breaking down in tears.]

SMK: I'M SORRYYYYY! Please don't let my brother see this! How do I fix it?!

[The video ends with a black screen and white text.]

this is why I hate tf2. cod doesnt do this so just play cod