lets play tf2 is a video uploaded by Super Minecraft Kid in 2015. This is the first part of his Team Fortress 2 series, where he continuously fails to play the game while the other players bully him. One of these players, Waylon, shows Michael a little respect, though "respect" should be taken with a grain of salt, and other claims to be MoistCr1TiKaL.
Super Minecraft Kid is Green
Waylon is Red
The deep-voiced dude, or Cr1TiKaL, is Blue
Unidentifiable voices are Grey
Transcript[]
All right, guys! I just fucking got, umm, Team Fortress 2, so let’s play Multiplayer.
[Michael clicks through the different gameplay options. An illustration on Payload mode depicts Scout leaping over a silver contraption.]
Umm... What the fuck is that? Fuckin’ gay. What’s this fuckin’ guy there? It’s like fuckin’ gay. Umm, “King of the Hill”’s a fuckin’ baby’s game. Uhh, I got this game, so, umm, ‘cause I couldn’t get the new Call of Duty ‘cause it costs too much. So, umm, yeah...”Control Point”’s gay. Ooh, “Capture the Flag”! I’ll play that.
[As the game loads, Michael rhythmically covers and uncovers his mouth while silently exhaling, then smacks his lips.]
I heard this game has baby graphics, so I'll have to see what that's all about. 'Kay, guys?
[The wait time begins to make him impatient.]
...Fucking load, holy fuck! Fucking- FUCKING LOAD!! Oh yeah, by the way, I'm starting a new animated series. It's called Minecraft Animated, and it might be out before, but I don't fuckin' know. Umm...the fuck?
[The screen changes to character selection. Michael is on the red team and chooses Scout as his class.]
Let’s just go. I’ll be the first guy. He seems pretty easy.
[He hops into a building with a bunch of other people who are talking through voice chat.]
Uhh, how do you play this fucking game? Oh by the way, I’m recording, so don’t fucking kill me, guys.
[Michael rushes into battle and gets hit with bullets. He interacts with two players; one with a deep voice, another with a cool tone, and another one whose voice sounds mildly intimidating.]
Look at your score, then look at your face. What's worse?
[Michael seeks shelter in an underground hallway.]
You can't kill me because I'm recording, so I don't wanna look bad in front of my f- subscribers. My fans.
[He dies.]
FUCK!
Holy shit. I'm the best.
Don't fucking kill me! I told you not to fucking kill me!
I'm the best. I'm the best.
Yeah, I bet you're the fucking best. You have no swag, and also, you have like, three subscribers on YouTube, I swear.
["Kill Yourself" by Pink Guy begins to play. Like Sandstorm, the sound quality sucks because it is being played into a microphone.]
Okay, so I just went to the channel, and it says your channel does not exist.
Are you [unclear] kid?
What?
"This channel does not exist." Exactly.
[Michael runs into a bunker and crosses paths with an enemy.]
Here! Here's another link to my channel! Oh God, a fucking n****r again! Gonna fucking kill him!
[He dies.]
FUCK! DON'T FUCKING DOMINATE ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH! I'LL FUCKIN' HURT YOU THEN I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! FUCKING... (sigh)
There's no way you can get subscribers like that.
[The video cuts to Michael running through another location.]
I fuckin' love this person.
H- What's the best weapon in the game?
It's- The best weapon is Being Good At The Game.
No, like, what's the best weapon. Like, an actually good weapon.
[The player speaking to Michael shoots him.]
The Backburner.
Owned.
I'm fuckin'... All right, I'm fuckin' switching classes to Sniper.
Th-the Backburner.
Fuckin' playing as fuckin' Sniper, guys.
I'll switch too.
You hear that, guys? He's going Sniper!
Yeah, I know, I'm the best at sniping. I'll kill anyone in one hit. Is Sniper the best weapon?
Player: Yeah, 'kay, kid.
Can you 360- Can you 360 No Scope?
Wh-what the fuck is that?
[When targeting an enemy with his scope, they leave Michael’s field of vision.]
Fuckin' guy went fuckin' invisible! Fuckin' invisible-bility hacks!
Player: Nice shot!
Don't worry, I'll save you.
Thanks. You're not actually that much of a f****t.
Player: Get carried, scrub.
[He attempts to cross the bridge again, watching as someone dies from their own landmine.]
That guy's fucking exploded himself. What a fucking idiot.
[After watching the enemy’s tragic demise, Michael shoots someone atop a building, then encounters another enemy who shoots him.]
Fucking owned. No- NOOOO! Oh my fucking God.
You can't kill me, Pyro!
All right, guys. How- What's the best weapon for Sniper?
Player: None of them.
What?
[He dies.]
When how do you play this game?
[unclear] Cleaner's Carbine.
Player: I would have to say the...Hunchman.
All right, what's the- what's a gun that will always one-hit-kill everything?
Player: None of them.
Player: Any sniper rifle, [unclear] somebody.
The Shahenshah. The Shahenshah.
Huh? What weapon will one-shot everything?
Shahensha is the best weapon in the game. The Shahenshah.
Oh wait, no! I have a knife! I have a knife! I can one-hit-kill guys with these! I can one-hit-kill guys with this knife.
Nah, that's not the Shahenshaaaaah~ You need that bonus damage.
[Michael enters a room full of players, and he attempts to slash them with his blade.]
The fuck is this? All right, gonna fuckin' one-hit-kill you all with my fuckin'-
[He dies. The person who killed him jams out on a saxophone.]
No! I have a knife! How the fuck am I- dead!? What the fuck? How do you fucking get a s- fucking-
[unclear] Shahensha. [unclear] Shahenshaaaaah~
Hold on! There's a fucking saxophone in this game?! That just proves this game is fucking gay, 'cause it's fucking cartoon graphics! Nobody fucking pulls out a-a-a-uhh-
Man, you gotta use the Shahenshah!
Nobody fucking pulls out a saxophone in the middle of war! This game isn't realistic at all. Also, it has baby graphics.
Listen, listen, listen. You're just bad! You just gotta switch to the Shahenshah in order to get good.
[Michael tries fighting back against an enemy player on the other side of the bridge. He dies.]
Gonna fuckin'- Oh, God. Oh FUCK! Who fucking stabbed me!? SerialKiller, I will fucking hunt you down, fucking kill you!
See? If you had the Shahensha, [unclear].
What's a "Battle Med"?
I-I-I can speak from personal experience, trying to hunt down [unclear] revenge doesn't end well.
[Michael successfully snipes an enemy.]
Headshot, motherfucker! Ca-
[He dies.]
FUCK! Fucking, this fucking game...
[Someone in chat calls his dick small.]
I'm not- I don't have a tiny penis! I have the world's biggest penis! I fuck your mom every day!
Player: Yeah, okay, kid.
Sounds like you've got some, uhh, genital problems there.
Player: At twelve...?
What do you mean? At twelve? Yeah, I have the best penis. I've head sex with like, three-hundred fifty girls.
[He dies.]
OH my FUCKING God.
Heavy, I challenge you to fisticuffs! ...That- That's not fisticuffs, Heavy.
Player: Heheh.
[unclear]
What's the best class in the game?
Player: Pyro.
Sniper.
All right, I'm Sniper.
Player: Both of them.
Yeah, but you're not using the Shahenshah. You gotta use the Shahenshah.
What is- The fuck's that mean? The fuuuck...?
You gotta use the weapon known as the Shahenshaaaah!
Guys, who else agrees that bei-bein', umm, swearing makes you cool, 'cause it d-does. Totally makes you cool.
[Michael snipes someone.]
Fucking owned!
Hey, you see this? You see this? Hey, hey, hey. Trash Can, turn around.
[Waylon, who will not shut the fuck up about the Shahenshah shows Michael the Shahenshah.]
This is the Shahenshah.
Yeah?
Best weapon in the game.
Oh, wow. How do I get it?
G-g-give a high five.
How do you give a high five?
[stammering] Oh, your high five just got jacked. You might as well, uhh...
[Another guy comes up and high fives the player.]
H-how do you get a high five?
Go out into the world and get a headshot.
How do you get a Sa-hun-shaw?
[As conflict becomes tense, the other players talk over one another.]
Player: Agh!
Whooo!
Player: [unclear] shithead!
Player: [unclear] Soldier?
Just kidding. I was a distraction.
[The video cuts yet again. Before it resumes, players find the SMK channel.]
All right. I'm playing as Medic.
Player: Super [voice gets drowned out by other people in VC].
Yeah, it was Survival Games. The video with Survival Games.
Player: Yo, I’m for real though, I’m- I’m an actual YouTuber. Not lying.
Whooo! Oh shit, oh shit!
Wow, I got a Needle Gun. I was always scared of needles.
Heal! Medic, I need heal!
Player: [unclear] destroy you in Minecraft.
Heal me, Medic! I'm hurt! I need some healing! Medic, help!
Player: Your gamertag [unclear].
It's Minecraft. There's no skill in Minecraft.
How do I heal? How do I heal?
Player: There’s so many people talking at once...
[Yeah, no shit.]
Use your healing gun, and [unclear] gun!
This one?
You can't- There's no such thing as "skill" in Mnecraft.
[Michael’s gun releases a blue mist that tethers to the wounded player. Somebody else tries to intercept the tether.]
Oh, cool.
Player: Hey!
I'm not gonna heal a n****r.
Oh-ho-ho-hoooooh! You're [unclear]!
Player: He’s like, such a bad Medic. He won’t even heal someone. Heh.
Woah. F****t...
[With his healing gun still tethered, Michael follows his new companion through a building.]
Guys, I'm still recording, so still don't kill me, okay?
Player: Kill that, uhh, the Medic. Don’t kill the other guy, just kill the Medic.
Yeah, we got this.
Looks like we're gonna have to kill you.
(sarcastically) Don't kill me, guys!
Nah, nah. Don't kill him.
Yeah!
[An explosion goes off in a room, so Michael and his teammate try running away.]
Oh no! Oh fuck! Somebody's gonna attack us!
Player: He doesn’t even heal me.
Run!
Man, you better run, fool! you gotta fuckin' run, man!
Player: [unclear] actually have a life.
It's over! We gotta get outta here, man!
Go fast! Oh, shit!
[The duo falls down a trapdoor, and Waylon unleashes hell upon the enemy team.]
Oh, God. We're okay.
Ruuuuun! Diiiiie! No rest for the wickeeeed!
[Michael’s teammate starts shooting flames at enemies while the healing gun is still activated. As the chaos increases, Michael gets caught in an explosion.]
Fuck, guys! I'm- Hold on, hold on! I'm gonna fuckin' die!
[His teammate extinguishes the flames engulfing him.]
Thank you! Thank you, thank you.
I got you, Med! I got- I can put out fayaaahs~! Whoop!
That's cool. You're- I like you!
It says "This channel does not exist".
Player: Can someone please join Blue so I can join Red?
I'm only gonna he- I'm only gonna t-
Player: Fuck you.
I'm only gonna heal the, umm, "Wallon" guy, 'cause he's nice to me.
You're only gonna what? You're only gonna what?
I'm- I'm, umm, I'm only gonna heal Wayne. Wayli- Waylon. No one- Nobody's gettin'...
Player: Oh, they got a Sentry [unclear].
You're only gonna what?
Player: Yeah, I’mma just rush the Medic. [unclear] Medics.
[His Medic character announces “I am charged!”]
Guys, what does it mean when I'm charged?
"Guys, what does it mean that I suck?"
Uhh, you can press Mouse 2 to make me invincible with that medic gun, before [unclear].
What's Mouse 2?
Uhh, right mouse button.
[Michael activates this just as an enemy tries to kill them. They stay alive, but do not successfully kill the other player.]
OH! Kill 'em, kill 'em!
Ooooh, crap!
Oh...
Player: Oh, God. No, go away.
[unclear] when I'm about to die or some shit. I mean, I'm not saying I'm gon' die, but...in case I'm about to die, you may wanna use that.
[Someone in chat asks Michael about this channel.]
Yeah, I do have a YouTube.
Player: Yeah. Somewhere, I was shootin’ him in [unclear] and he just [unclear].
Hey, Super Minecraft. Ya like porn?
What's that? Ohhh.
Yeah.
Like, Five Nights at Freddy's porn? Where it's like a picture of Foxy, his penis in Chicas? Butt?
Okay, little tryhard. Get out of this game.
Hahaaah! Yeah!
He's a tryhard.
Player: ...Why would you watch that...?
What?
Yeah, but- Yeah. You gotta check out "Two Girls One Cup". Just Google it.
What's that? Is Chica in it? From Five Nights at Freddy's?
[He dies as soon as he gets the enemy’s flag, which is a briefcase.]
Fuck!
You better capture that intel. You...[unclear] the intel. You're a fucking disappointment.
I was carrying the intel?
Uninstall the game. Just [unclear] uninstall everything. Uninstall literally everything from your computer.
Why?
Player: Don’t do that.
Just, close all your accounts on the internet. You just need to [unclear].
[Michael dies.]
Fuck!
Pwned.
Oh! You got trashed!
Guys, I'm fuckin' done with this fuckin' game. I'm fuckin' leaving, okay? This video's probably, like, three hours long.
Player: That would be nice.
[The video cuts one last time, this time showing the Blue Team’s victory.]
Player: YEEEAH!
YES! Oh yeah! Fuckin' won!
[Michael exits the game.]
Oh, I can configure it. All right… All right, guys! That was, umm, Team Fortress 2! A- Overall, fuckin’ gay. I might play it again ‘cause there’s some nice guys on it, but, umm, my dad’s comin’ home so I might have to leave, guys. All right, umm, see you next video! I’m gonna make a Minecraft Animated video, so yeah. See ya!
Trivia[]
Waylon's voice is similar to a troll who was associated with Clyde Cash in the early days of Chris Chan's saga. In 2009 video, his soundalike says, "Yeah, this is going kinda crazy. I mean, you sounded like a thirteen-year-old boy, and Chris kinda fell for that..." [1] The intonations in their voices are near identical, though Waylon and this troll could be two completely different people.
